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Homesick, Lovesick, and just plain old Sick.

This new journey I’ve just embarked on is such a blessing but it’s also such an overwhelming process that is making me crazy. Ever since I was a little girl I’ve always said , “I can’t to leave for college” or “I can’t wait to move out of my house” and now I’m gone but at what cost?  Ever since I can remember I knew that I wanted to do great things with my life and I knew that meant I had to make sacrifices but I miss the comfort of my bed, I miss the creaking noise my stairs make when I walk up them. I miss hearing my dad getting ready for work in the middle of the night and have him tell me to go to sleep. I long for those conversations I had with my mom when I’d come back from school, or falling asleep next to her while she played with my hair.

My bubby, my happiness, my little ray of sunshine, my personal pain in the butt. I crave that amazing man in every sense possible, I need him with every fiber in my body. How can I possibly be so attached to someone whom I’ve known for such a short period of time? How can you tell your mind, body, and heart to not feel this way? The amount of happiness I feel around him is indescribably amazing. But now that I’m not around him anymore all I can really do is miss all the things I love about him. Like how I miss the way his big, masculine hands touch the side of my face while we kiss, or the way he’ll dance like no one is watching when he’s driving. I miss his cute smile and gorgeous dark eyes. I miss the way        we come together as one whenever we’re together, I miss looking into his eyes as he talks to me. I miss his laugh, gosh I miss his laugh. I can’t stand how he doesn’t realize that to me he is like the sound of the crunching of fall leaves, I could listen to it forever just like I could be around him forever. I wish he realized how much he is worth not juts to me, but in general, this man is amazing and I’m an average girl he happened to be interested in. He is the amazing one here, he’s the one who makes me feel like nothing can hurt me, like I can do anything I set my mind to, he’s the man who makes me forget about every bad thing that’s going on in my life. But he’s also the man who drives me completely bonkers, he’s the man who makes me second guess myself and reevaluate what I’ve been doing for the past 18 years without him even realizing he’s had such a big impact on me. He’s the man who makes me a better version of myself without even realizing he’s doing so. He’s the man who makes me want to pull my hair out when he doesn’t realize he’s being exasperating. He’s the man who I want to give the world to, who I want to annoy constantly.

Feeling like crap while you’re just getting accommodated to your new life, sucks. Plain and simple, and no questions asked. This damn cold makes it so hard for me to want to talk to people seeing as my voice sounds like that of an old man well into his 60’s.  Missing home, missing my bub, and missing  my regular annoying voice as well at this point. Thats how you know I’m really sick.

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