Uncategorized

College

I wish I would’ve known this is how it was going to be, everyone said that the college life was different but I never expected this. Never in a million years did I think that I would live where men are constantly feeling the need to degrade women and it saddens me so much that they see this as being okay. I had sex with a guy who is so beautiful, he has gorgeous blue eyes, a perfect white smile, amazing light brown hair, and a body that makes me want to just hold him for eternity. There was something about the way that he walked and the way that he was just so sure of himself and I should have known he’d be no  good for me, I won’t say that I wish I would’ve run away at the first sign of trouble because then I wouldn’t have learned. This guy said everything I wanted hear, he had a way with words and a way of giving me a look that made me melt. I already know how clichè that sounds, but it’s true. I wanted to know him I wanted to hold him and feel his masculine hands running up and down my lower back. I was never one to listen but in this case I should’ve been careful with what I wished for. I had him, I felt him I felt his lips on mine and our hands intertwined. I felt whole for a while, but the emptiness that lingered after was much more present than he was. He made me feel like the most amazing and beautiful girl the first night I met him. Everything I had searched for, I had found. When he first kissed me out in that dance floor I swear I felt like I had been burned, the sensation stayed for a long time. He held me so gently and so anxious at the same time, he was scared to hurt me, but he was hungry to kiss me again. He looked at me with blue eyes and pierced through every wall I had built to keep boys like him out. He grabbed my face and pulled me into him, and my world just collided because I hadn’t felt a passion so fierce in a long time. Each touch, kiss, laugh, smile felt cherished because I didn’t know if it’d be the last. Somehow I managed to make it alive and to his house and we kissed for seemed like hours and he kept his hands on my waist, never straying lower down nor higher up and I was happy I felt like this is what it was supposed to be like. I felt like I was supposed to be with this amazing man, and of course naive me began to imagine every possible scenario with a boy she was suddenly infatuated with. But my life is nothing like the movies, so the night came to an end and I had not slept with the boy I so badly wanted to. Of course, stupid me couldn’t let it go I had to make sure I had him. So the next time I saw him, I went up to him and asked him if he wanted to leave with me, and he excitedly said yes. When it happened it felt like my soul had left my body and entered a different dimension, my heart was all of a sudden whole again. After it happened, he looked me in the eyes and this time neither of us pierced into one another instead, I saw nothing. I saw cold icy blue eyes. I saw a gorgeous man, with whom I had shared moments that I’d never forget. I saw a man who craved more just like I do but was too afraid to admit it, I saw a coward who his behind his masculinity. I saw a man who I had just shared the most intimate part of me and took it for granted. And so I left, but it didn’t end there he had to go and belittle me with all of his guy friends. While college is a time to experiment and a time to enjoy yourself, the lesson here is be picky. Nitpick at everything they do, find the one that you really want to be around when all of the fun is over. Love yourself before you give yourself to someone. I didn’t love myself or value my body when this happened, which is why I wrote it.

Advertisements
Standard